


i always feel the greatest pain wherever you touch me

by mikes_paradise



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Ending, M/M, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-04 19:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5346194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikes_paradise/pseuds/mikes_paradise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate au where once you tell your soulmate you love them you are burdened with a physical ailment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Once the destined pair fall in love they will be burdened with a physical ailment. The bond will strengthen through hardship and adversity._

 

Michael thought he met his soulmate when he was only 13. The boy was sweet and pretty. Michael had fallen in love with him but had not been plagued with a burden. The boy was appalled that he had wasted his time on someone so worthless and unnecessary. He left Michael. His 13 year old heart was cracked but not broken. He supposed people took this whole soulmate thing very seriously and never settled for anything less.

 

2 years after that Michael was given up on again as another potential soulmate stomped on his heart with their expensive sneakers. That guy was a jerk now that Michael thinks about it. That still didn't stop Michael from falling in love but never being caught.

A few months after that Michael couldn't help but wallow is his failures. He blamed his own insecurities and choices. Luckily, instead of turning to something destructive he turned to music. He fell in love with playing guitar and not with another player.

 

He met Luke through his friend Calum. Luke was extremely attractive and drew Michael toward him like a magnet. But Michael resisted the best he could. He was reluctant and hesitant with Luke because he didn't want to repeat his last two mistakes. Besides, they were young they had time to actually test their compatibility before diving right in.

 

“My dad's burden is excessive body hair and my mom's is excessive sweating. That's a great pair isn't it.” Luke laughs out after Michael asked him what his parents' burdens were. They were sitting criss-cross on Luke's bed just talking and laughing at 1am. “What's yours?”

“My mom's is un-trimmable finger nails,” Michael grimaced, “and Dad's is blindness.” Michael sighed.

“Oh.” Luke mutters. He can't help but think of how sad that is. He knows other people have it way worse but he couldn't imagine going blind the second you told your soulmate that you loved them. “I wonder what ours will be.” Luke says after a while of awkward silence.

“I'm scared to find out.” Michael admitted. “But I'm even more scared to find out who my soulmate is. What if I don't find them until I'm like 80.”

Luke scoffs. “You'll find someone. Pretty soon I bet.” For some reason Luke's hands are sweating; he can't look at Michael anymore.

“Let's go to bed.” Michael suggests.

______________________________________________________________________

 

It's been a few years now. Michael and Luke are both 18. Luke asked Michael on a date a few weeks ago and Michael agreed within seconds. He had hoped Luke would ask him, he'd been hoping for months. He loved being friends with Luke and couldn't wait to finally try to be his boyfriend. The two enjoyed themselves at a little sandwich shop in town. They basically already knew everything about each other so the “getting to know you” part was out of the way. They just picked up were they left off as friends but added in some compliments and light touches.

 

Their first kiss together was on their second date. Luke was bringing Michael home after an almost silent car ride except for the radio. The blonde decided to walk Michael up to the door and tell him goodbye. He was so nervous, biting his lip ring and fidgeting with his fingers. Finally, after Michael said “See ya tomorrow” Luke stepped forward and planted a sweet kiss upon Michael's lips. The green eyes of Luke's date closed momentarily and his red lips savored every movement. When they eventually disconnected, Luke held a smug smile on his face.

“Quit smiling you dork!” Michael nudged Luke but couldn't wipe off the similar smile he had on his own face.

“I can't. You make me happy.”

 

They went off on dates almost every week for 2 months, that on top of seeing each other all the time during band practice. Their connection was like no other. Their drummer and bassist, Ashton and Calum, were secretly jealous of the love they shared but would never admit it.

Once, Ashton had said Luke and Michael were definitely soulmates after Michael laughed at a very stupid joke Luke made. The two just blushed and carried on with whatever they were doing. Michael's gaze lingered on Luke's small grin as he thought that maybe Ashton was right.

 

Michael was holding Luke's hand as the two made their way up the couple of concrete porch steps. They let themselves into the large house where the party was. Neither Michael nor Luke really knew the owner of the house but they wanted to go out. They emerged through the heavy wooden door simultaneously. Luke squeezed through a few dancing couples before plopping down onto the plush couch, he gestured for Michael to sit too but he said he was going to get them a drink. Luke sat and waited for Michael to come back. A straight couple making out furiously tipped over onto the couch next to Luke. He pushed himself against the opposite side and rolled his eyes, still awaiting Michael's return. The couple detached their lips as the girl whispered something against the guy's lips. Luke knew she told him she loved him. The guy reciprocated her confession. At first Luke thought they weren't soulmates but then the girl's teeth started falling out and the guy started coughing uncontrollably. They quickly got up to leave just as Michael found his place next to Luke.

“What just happened?” He asked, referring to the couple.

“They were soulmates. Her teeth fell out and he probably has asthma, too bad he smelled like cigarettes too. That's gonna be tough.” Luke's tone was rather blunt and unsympathetic. “I'm so scared Michael.” He added .

“Why? Your teeth aren't gonna fall out Luke.” Michael tried to be convincing but Luke's teeth might actually fall out and they both knew that.

Michael changed the subject before Luke could bring himself down ever more.

 

As the night progressed Michael watched Luke get wasted. He refrained from drinking so much because he had to drive. The green eyed boy danced with his date and laughed at his drunken antics. Luke's lips were on Michael's multiple times that night and Michael wasn't complaining. Eventually Luke tired out and leaned all his weight against Michael to hold up. As Michael assisted Luke in walking back to his car 2 ugly boys were about to walk in.

“Aww look at the two fags!” The ugliest of the two said.

Michael tensed up but kept walking, he planned to ignore them and just go home. But Luke thought otherwise. “What'd ya say you bastard? I will beat the shit out you!” Luke unwrapped himself from Michael's support and stumbled near the two creatures.

“Hope you don't break a nail in the process.” The uglier one spoke again. Luke wouldn't stand for this any longer. He stepped forward and swung his fist square into the guy's jaw. The second one, who hadn't said anything, just stared with his mouth agape. Michael tried to pull Luke away but he stood too steady and kicked the guy's stomach as he lied on the ground.

“Luke stop let's go!”

Luke spat on the guy's ugly, bleeding face. “Don't ever say that word again. Not to anyone you fucking dick.” Luke's hand came around Michael's waist as he stomped to the car, not looking back. Michael was shocked and scared and happy and maybe a bit turned on. Luke's eyes looked navy and hist fist was red and irritated.

“Can't believe you did that Luke.”

“... Me neither.” He confessed. “Anything for you I suppose.” Luke smiled at his love and felt the anger inside him diminish. Luke knew he loved Michael but decided not to tell him while he was driving. Michael reached over and held Luke's hand the rest of the way.

 

“And he was like boom! Gah!” Michael imitated Luke's punch in the open air and the guy falling the ground. He pretended to break down in tears and couldn't hold in his laughter. “The other guy was like uuhhhh? God.” Michael got up from the ground and shook his head.

“Luke you really did that?” Ashton asked, astonished.

“Michael's perfect reenactment makes the answer pretty obvious doesn't it?” Ashton chuckled and nodded his head.

Luke still hasn't told Michael he loves him. It needs to be at the perfect time and the perfect place. Luke also needs to get over his nerves. He knows of Michael's past two attempts at a soulmate and he's afraid Michael won't commit to him yet.

 

It's been about a week since Luke's fight and he still hasn't confessed his love for Michael. He was growing tired of himself at this point. He even had the perfect chance when they were alone at Michael's house and the sun was making Michael look like an absolute angel and Luke had just finished kissing him but he chickened out.

Now the two were at Luke's house about to play FIFA. Luke was antsy. It was going to slip out.

The game started and Luke couldn't concentrate. He kept hearing Michael's pretty voice and his laughter. He couldn't stop looking over at him and throwing secretive glances at the corner of his green eyes. Michael caught Luke staring and turned to look as well.

“Why do you keep looking at me?”

Luke blushed a little and tried to come up with an explanation. “You're just... really attractive.”

Michael smiled ans puffed air through his nose. “Luke.” Michael started and _Oh my God_ Luke thought, _He's gonna say it first. Of course he is look at the ways he's looking at me. So fond and nervous._ “I love you.” Michael took the chance and said it, he said what Luke was fearing and hoping for for many days now.

“I- I love you too Michael.” They each didn't move for a second, waiting for their teeth to fall out. But nothing happened. Were they not soulmates? They looked around the room warily.

Luke scratched his head in confusion and out came a few pieces of hair on his fingers. “Aw man. My hair's falling out.” So that was his burden. “But that means we're soulmates.” Luke said optimistically.

Michael smiled and threw himself at Luke. Luke's arms wrapped around his love and Michael hissed and immediately reverted from his touch. Michael's face contorted into an expression of pain.

“What's wrong Michael did I do something?” His tone was so concerned and worried.

“No, no I think I'm fine. Maybe it was just a muscle cramp or something.” He grinned back up at Luke and went to kiss him. Luke's hands caressed Michael's cheek but he sneered and backed away again. “Oh no.” He said solemnly. “It's you. It's your touch. It hurts me.” Michael's eyes grew sad. “How are we gonna do this? You can't touch me Luke.” Luke was staring at the ground, looking down at his feet.

“We can make it work. Somehow.” Luke's encouraging attitude wore off within a few seconds when they realized all that they couldn't do.

“No kissing, no hugging, no holding my hands no pulling my hair no spanking my ass no nothing Luke.” Michael hurriedly listed all the things important to him.

“Fuck.” Luke breathed out. “This is crazy I've never heard of this happening before.”

“...I still love you though.”

 

The next few days were not as bad as they could've been. Michael and Luke still slept in the same bed just Luke had to keep his hands to himself. Michael couldn't touch Luke either. When Michael tripped and fell, Luke couldn't help him up. When their fingers brushed against each other when Michael was handing Luke the remote, Michael whimpered and pulled his hand away quickly. Luke has been apologizing for everything.

 

Luke stands at the stove and stirs the spaghetti, about to dish it out onto a plate. He's wearing a hat so his hair doesn't fall into the noodles. He feels Michael's arms around his waist and his head on his shoulder. Luke feels warm and secure. He grins but it quickly drops.

“Michael what are you doing?” He turns to look at his boy's face but Michael hides his expression.

“Don't look at me just keep making dinner.” He chokes out. He groans and untwists his arms from Luke's torso. “I'm trying here. I'm trying to be fucking normal. But God it hurts. It's feels like being shocked. It stings and burns but it doesn't leave a mark.” He sighs.

Luke wants to cry but he's definitely not going to. He just transfers the spaghetti to two plates and pushes one towards Michael.

They sit as close as possible, without touching of course. Luckily, there is no tension between them. They are able to converse and laugh like there are no problems. Michael finishes before Luke so he takes Luke's fork and twists the spaghetti around the prongs. He lifts it up to Luke's lips and feeds him the food. In that moment, they were almost normal. Luke smiles while still chewing and leans his head forward but stops. He frowns and backs up, a little embarrassed.

“You wanted to kiss me didn't you?”

“I always wanna kiss you.”

 

Michael and Luke finally settle down for bed at a late time. They were playing a board game and were too enthralled with it to stop before midnight. Michael says he loves Luke and Luke says it back. Michael has to use a separate blanket now because Luke's arms find themselves around his waist in the middle of the night, making him wake up to excruciating pain which in turn wakes Luke up. Michael didn't wake up in the middle of the night tonight this time though because he never fell asleep. His mind worries about Luke and if he's happy. Michael would be lost without him. His mind continues to wander but he's interrupted by Luke's heavy breathing and quiet yelps in his sleep. At first Michael thinks he's having a wet dream but Luke's clearly panicking and having a nightmare. Michael whispers his name but that only makes Luke yell “stop” and “don't” in his sleep. Michael reaches out and shakes Luke's arm, trying to ignore the pain. He combs through Luke's hair, picking up tufts of it as he does, and uses his other hand to shake his shoulder. Finally, he awakens. He sits up straight and works on catching his breath. Michael's rubbing his back soothingly as Luke breaks down in tears.

“Oh Luke don't cry it was just a dream.” Michael says softly. Luke lays his head on Michael's shoulder and Michael stiffens and closes his eyes tightly. He won't be able to take this much longer. Nonetheless Michael rakes his fingers through the blonde hair of his soulmate. Bald spots litter random areas of Luke's head. Poor boy. At least Michael's burden doesn't effect his appearance.

“Shit” he whispers, too quiet for Luke to hear. The pain is really setting in. His eyes are watering an he's grinding his teeth. He knows he'll never get used to this feeling. Michael leans down and kisses Luke's forehead before basically pushing Luke's head off of his skin and standing from the bed. He puts his hands over his face and breaths heavily.

Luke's eyes are red and watery still as he peers at Michael. “I'm so sorry Michael.” His voice is so broken and waterlogged.

“Not your fault Luke.” Michael always responds. He gets back into the bed and just stares at Luke's puffy eyes.

“What were you dreaming about?”

“You.” Luke answers hesitantly.

“Why did I make you cry?”

“You-.... I don't want to talk about it.” Luke hadn't looked Michael in the eye yet.

“Well, I'm here now. Alive and I love you. It hurts when I touch you but I love you.”

Michael still didn't sleep.

 

In the morning the two got ready for band practice. Michael got only a few hours of sleep so he was very opposed to getting out of bed.

He picked up one of Luke's shirts from the floor. It even mildly stung his hand a bit because it hasn't been washed. He wore it anyway, it's just a dull sting, something he's been feeling a lot of recently.

Michael looks Luke up and down and grins. Even when his hair has thinned out so much he still looks good. He walks closer to his boy and leans his head down to kiss his neck. Luke gasps slightly and so does Michael, but for a different reason.

“I love you in white.” Michael whispers against his neck. Luke shudders enough for Michael to notice. “Be my boyfriend.” Michael says, with his head still leaned down.

Luke smiles. “Of course. We're soulmates I thought being your boyfriend was implied though.”

“I still wanted to ask you.” Luke's phone buzzes and a text from Calum says he and Ashton are at Michael's house.

“We better go.” It was a short drive to Michael's house, of which he hasn't seen in a week or so.

“Hey guys!” Luke greets the rhythm section. Calum notices Luke's hair right away.

“Your hair.” He says bluntly.

“Oh yeah I found my soulmate.”

“I wonder who it is.” Ashton cuts in, eyeing Michael. He still looks the same though. “What's your burden?”

Michael hesitates at first but figures there's no point in lying or keeping it from them. “Every time Luke touches me, I feel pain. Like a burn or a shock. It's awful.” Michael informs them.

“Oh my God that sucks. I've never heard of that before, how are you doing it?”

“It's hard but sometimes I can fight through it and hug him or hold his hand for a few seconds.” Michael purses his lips and changes the subject. “Let's practice. Last week's kinda sucked.” And with that the boys ran through the songs they've written. Every few seconds Michael would unapologetically send Luke a loving glance, not caring if the other boys saw.

“That was better... I guess.” Michael said jokingly because it really was better. Ashton gave Michael a high five and a bro hug before leaving and Calum bear hugged his best friend. Michael held onto Calum and cherished a moment of not feeling pain. He closed his eyes and imagined it was Luke. He must have a really good imagination because he started kissing Calum's neck and tightening his hold on his body.

“Michael what the hell are you doing?” Calum asked alarmed. Michael quickly opened his eyes and looked behind him. Luke was still talking to Ashton as he was getting into his car.

“Fuck don't tell Luke.” Was the first thing he said. “I'm sorry Calum. I love Luke obviously but I just want to touch him so bad. I got carried away with you I'm sorry. I was imagining you were Luke and...”

“Damn I understand buddy. It must really suck not being able to touch your own soulmate.”

“Thanks for being cool about this and sorry again.” Says Michael.

“It's all good. Good luck Michael.” He said and patted him on the back.

 

They decide to stay at Michael's house this time and Michael feels guilty for kissing Calum. He knows it's not that big of a deal and he was imagining Luke and all but he still felt bad.

“Luke, I kissed Calum's neck yesterday.”

Luke turns to look at him from his position on the couch. “Why?”

“He was hugging me and it didn't hurt for once.” Michael told him the rest of the story and Luke seemed to understand. “Are you mad?” He asks when he finishes.

“No, I understand.”

“You should be mad.”

“I know I should be but considering the circumstances of your burden and us being soulmates I can push this aside.”

“I just wanted to feel something you know? Something other than pain.” Luke looked like he was about to say something but Michael interjected. “Don't apologize.” And Luke's mouth closed.

 

As night drew near Michael felt exhausted for some reason. It was nice to be in his own house but it was even nicer that Luke was here. Michael stood in the middle of the floor, spacing out.

“Michael? You ok?”

“Touch me Luke.” He says, pleading.

“Michael you know that's-”

“Touch me please please Luke I can handle it.” Luke held hurt in his eyes while Michael held want and something sadder.

Luke reached his hand out and dragged his fingertips up Michael's side. His touch was literally electrifying and caused Michael to bite his lip.

“I can stop.” Luke said so quietly.

“No no I'm alright.”

Luke trailed his fingers up Michael's shoulder and along his neck until coming to a stop to caress Michael's jaw. He swiped his thumb along Michael's cheek. Michael's jaw was clenched and his eyes were stinging with tears.

“Michael I can stop please let me stop.”

“No.”

A few tears feel free but they both ignored them. Michael was starting to whimper as the pain just kept coming. He grabbed Luke's hand from his face but held his hand for a moment longer before letting go.

“It's like the minute you stop touching me the pain goes away. And whenever you do touch me the pain is the greatest. It's not gradual or anything I always feel the greatest pain wherever you touch me.” Michael's cheeks were striped with tears and his voice was shaky.

“Kiss me Luke.” He commands.

“Michael.”

“Luke. I know you want to so just do it.”

“I can't hurt you.”

“I love you too much not to kiss you.”

Luke sighs, tears spilling from his own eyes now. He leans forward. Michael meets him half way. God. Luke loves kissing Michael. There lips form together perfectly, just like the first time. Michael's pain is so severe, it's all he is right now. Just pain. Even so he pulls Luke against him and deepens the kiss. It's weird. Kissing Luke is so good, it's such a good thing, but all Michael feels is pain, such a bad thing. He feels the fireworks and butterflies but he also feels his blood boiling and his skin wasting away. He can feel all of Luke against his body. The whole front side of him is blanketed in Luke and in pain. Michael's tears haven't stopped falling and his muscles are so tense but he just wants to kiss Luke. After a few more seconds Michael's body can't handle it anymore and he falls against Luke, unconscious. Luke catches Michael and drags him to his bed. He takes his hands off of him as fast as he can.

 

Michael's eyes flutter open within a few minutes of a pain-free environment.

“I'm sorry.” Luke utters, looking into Michael's eyes. It hurt Michael to see Luke look at him like that. Great, now looks were hurting him too.

“We've gotta find a way around this.” Michael croaks.

“Maybe we aren't supposed to be soulmates. I can't even kiss you without making you pass out.”

“Shut up Luke of course we're soulmates. What's a worse burden than pain? We must be perfect for each other if fate thinks we can handle that.” Luke ponders what a worse burden than pain is and discovers one. Heartbreak. If Luke were to make Michael experience more pain than what fate gave them, it would cancel out. And all that would be left was the pain Michael's soulmate caused, which he would never do again once Michael took him back. He would essentially shatter Michael's internal “pain meter” and make it so physical pain caused by Luke loving him no longer existed because emotional pain caused by Luke hating him was far greater. The only way to fight adversity is with adversity, or the only way to get rid of pain is with more pain. He doesn't even know if it will work, no one has ever done such a heinous thing before, but then again no one has ever had this burden before either. Luke doesn't want to break Michael's heart but...

 

Luke didn't sleep in the same bed as Michael that night. After their talk and Luke's personal decision he went to the living room and slept on the couch. Michael caught him and kept asking why, getting louder and louder. Luke said it was because he didn't want to touch him.

“I don't care if you touch me; see?” He had said. He grabbed Luke's hands and pressed them against his chest and his face. It hurt him but he kept doing it. Luke yanked his hands away and sulked over to the couch, keeping his eyes away from Michael. He could tell Michael was still standing in the doorway of his room, just staring, probably with his mouth open slightly.

“Fine Luke. I love you goodnight.” Michael hesitated before walking back to bed, most likely waiting for Luke's response that never came.

He hated doing this to Michael, to is soulmate. He was starting to hate himself too. This might not even work, why would it? Luke's lips formed a frown and his eyes glazed over. Every time he moved his head more hair would stick onto the pillow. “I love you too Michael.” Luke whispered to himself.

 

That morning Luke woke up with Michael's face inches from his. He jumped back a little at the sight.

“Luke what's going on. Do you not love me anymore?”

Luke seemed to be thinking about it, his blue eyes looking around Michael but never at him.

“Luke what the hell?”

“I'm sorry Michael I'm just not believing in this whole soulmate thing right now. Why would your soulmate bring you pain? We can't be soulmates.”

“Luke I love you, that's why we're soulmates not because your touch causes me pain.”

“But that's why we can't be soulmates.”

“Luke?” Michael touches his hand.

“I can't do this anymore.”

“You have to we are destined to be together.” His voice is cracking on every word.

“I don't think so.”

Michael does not hold back his tears, he can't believe this is happening. He's sobbing, his tears streaking across his cheeks and his lungs choking on air. He grips Luke's hands within his own and scrapes them across his face and squeezes them between his fingers. “Look Luke you can touch me I don't care anymore please don't leave me!” The pain was unbearable, Luke could tell.

“Maybe this pain you feel is fate telling us we're meant to be enemies rather than soulmates.” Luke's own eyes were bloodshot and pooled with tears.

“Luke I love you. I loved you when you had hair and I love you now. I loved you when we first met and I love you now.”

“I'm so sorry Michael. I can't do this. I hate seeing you in pain and I hate not touching you.”

“Luke we're soulmates we can get through this.”

“ _We_ can't.”

Luke finally rises off the couch. Tear stains and hairballs stay behind to remind Michael of who was just laying there. The used-to-be-blonde boy walks out of the door. Michael doesn't chase him, he doesn't yell after him. He recalls the old saying “if you love something, set it free.” And Luke recalls the second part “if it comes back, it's yours to keep.”

 

Michael breaks down into uncontrollable sobs the second Luke disappears. The walls are closing in and the air is getting thinner. His lungs are begging for a proper breath but Michael has yet to supply. His tears are drowning him and his heart is killing him. Every pore on his body is ablaze with a fire Luke once fueled. Michael can't fathom the event that just unfolded. He's still kneeling by the couch, his hands balled in fists against the cushions. A mixture of snot, drool, and tears gather along Michael's cheeks but he makes no effort to wipe them clean.

Michael screams. He feels like he's been stabbed in every place Luke has left his burning touch. Luke is causing him pain again and this time he's not even around to loosen his grip around Michael's neck.

Eventually, Michael arises from the floor. He's still sniffling but his body must be in panic mode for he can no longer produce tears at this point. He begins pacing and biting his nails. He looks around the living room for something to stab himself with, or to hang himself. He shakes his head at the thought and moves away from any pointy objects.

Michael enters his bedroom and crawls over to the closet. He pulls out a cardboard box once used to deliver a new blender. He stuffs it full with Luke's few shirts he's left here and a few socks, a pillow, a phone charger, and some very underused hair gel that Luke had brought over a long time ago. Michael had forgotten to pack one shirt, more or less on purpose. His favorite of Luke's shirts, he decided to leave out. He grasped the material and couldn't help but notice the lack of a sting on his palm. Perhaps it's because the shirt hasn't been worn in a while or because Michael was so numb to any feeling. He was exhausted from crying and fell asleep on the floor with the shirt still wound around his hand.

 

Luke entered the door he left through cautiously. He stepped inside to see nothing but an empty room. He tiptoed into Michael's room to find him sprawled out over the carpet with one of Luke's shirts in his hand. A box of Luke's stuff stood next to him and Luke's eyebrows furrowed with sadness and regret. He really hurt Michael, why did he do this?

Luke crouched down next to him and put his hand on his love's thigh, trying to coax him awake. Luke felt a surge of hope as Michael _didn't_ wake up right away, maybe he wasn't feeling the pain. But Luke's happiness lessened when he thought something might be wrong.

“Michael?” Luke said in a pleading tone, shaking his leg. “Wake up Michael.”

Finally Michael stirred and took in his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was Luke's adoring face and he smiled. But it faded as he noticed the box and his position on the floor.

“You left me.” He uttered, his voice a little hoarse from sleep.

“Michael I'm sorry I still love you I can explain everything.” Luke's rushed words didn't change Michael's expression.

“You broke my heart.”

“I know I'm sorry but look.” Luke squeezed his hand around Michael's thigh and combed the hair away from his face. “Do you feel the pain?”

Michael stared at Luke's hand, his eyes open as wide as his mouth. “Nothing.” He said.

Luke smiled. “I figured the only way to reverse your burden was with heartbreak. I regret doing it to you more than anything but isn't it good that we can touch now?” Luke pulled Michael to his feet and the pink lips on Luke's boyfriend couldn't help but form a grin.

“I love you Michael can you please forgive me?”

Michael hesitated, his face unreadable. “Only if you kiss me.”

Luke wasted no time as he leaned in and kissed the only pair of lips he knew. He savored the feeling and loved the new one of Michael's arms around his neck. Neither boy pulled away and neither boy shed a tear (of sadness).

Once they broke apart solely for air, Luke asked “No pain?”

Michael shook his head, “Only love.”

Luke rolled his eyes playfully. “I feel that too.”

 


	2. i always feel the greatest pain wherever you touch me (alternate ending)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alternate ending from the first one. Most of the story is the same except, of course, the ending. This ending is very sad and the opposite of what happened the first time.

_Once the destined pair fall in love they will be burdened with a physical ailment. The bond will strengthen through hardship and adversity._

 

Michael thought he met his soulmate when he was only 13. The boy was sweet and pretty. Michael had fallen in love with him but had not been plagued with a burden. The boy was appalled that he had wasted his time on someone so worthless and unnecessary. He left Michael. His 13 year old heart was cracked but not broken. He supposed people took this whole soulmate thing very seriously and never settled for anything less.

 

2 years after that Michael was given up on again as another potential soulmate stomped on his heart with their expensive sneakers. That guy was a jerk now that Michael thinks about it. That still didn't stop Michael from falling in love but never being caught.

A few months after that Michael couldn't help but wallow is his failures. He blamed his own insecurities and choices. Luckily, instead of turning to something destructive he turned to music. He fell in love with playing guitar and not with another player.

 

He met Luke through his friend Calum. Luke was extremely attractive and drew Michael toward him like a magnet. But Michael resisted the best he could. He was reluctant and hesitant with Luke because he didn't want to repeat his last two mistakes. Besides, they were young they had time to actually test their compatibility before diving right in.

 

“My dad's burden is excessive body hair and my mom's is excessive sweating. That's a great pair isn't it.” Luke laughs out after Michael asked him what his parents' burdens were. They were sitting criss-cross on Luke's bed just talking and laughing at 1am. “What's yours?”

“My mom's is un-trimmable finger nails,” Michael grimaced, “and Dad's is blindness.” Michael sighed.

“Oh.” Luke mutters. He can't help but think of how sad that is. He knows other people have it way worse but he couldn't imagine going blind the second you told your soulmate that you loved them. “I wonder what ours will be.” Luke says after a while of awkward silence.

“I'm scared to find out.” Michael admitted. “But I'm even more scared to find out who my soulmate is. What if I don't find them until I'm like 80.”

Luke scoffs. “You'll find someone. Pretty soon I bet.” For some reason Luke's hands are sweating; he can't look at Michael anymore.

“Let's go to bed.” Michael suggests.

______________________________________________________________________

 

It's been a few years now. Michael and Luke are both 18. Luke asked Michael on a date a few weeks ago and Michael agreed within seconds. He had hoped Luke would ask him, he'd been hoping for months. He loved being friends with Luke and couldn't wait to finally try to be his boyfriend. The two enjoyed themselves at a little sandwich shop in town. They basically already knew everything about each other so the “getting to know you” part was out of the way. They just picked up were they left off as friends but added in some compliments and light touches.

 

Their first kiss together was on their second date. Luke was bringing Michael home after an almost silent car ride except for the radio. The blonde decided to walk Michael up to the door and tell him goodbye. He was so nervous, biting his lip ring and fidgeting with his fingers. Finally, after Michael said “See ya tomorrow” Luke stepped forward and planted a sweet kiss upon Michael's lips. The green eyes of Luke's date closed momentarily and his red lips savored every movement. When they eventually disconnected, Luke held a smug smile on his face.

“Quit smiling you dork!” Michael nudged Luke but couldn't wipe off the similar smile he had on his own face.

“I can't. You make me happy.”

 

They went off on dates almost every week for 2 months, that on top of seeing each other all the time during band practice. Their connection was like no other. Their drummer and bassist, Ashton and Calum, were secretly jealous of the love they shared but would never admit it.

Once, Ashton had said Luke and Michael were definitely soulmates after Michael laughed at a very stupid joke Luke made. The two just blushed and carried on with whatever they were doing. Michael's gaze lingered on Luke's small grin as he thought that maybe Ashton was right.

 

Michael was holding Luke's hand as the two made their way up the couple of concrete porch steps. They let themselves into the large house where the party was. Neither Michael nor Luke really knew the owner of the house but they wanted to go out. They emerged through the heavy wooden door simultaneously. Luke squeezed through a few dancing couples before plopping down onto the plush couch, he gestured for Michael to sit too but he said he was going to get them a drink. Luke sat and waited for Michael to come back. A straight couple making out furiously tipped over onto the couch next to Luke. He pushed himself against the opposite side and rolled his eyes, still awaiting Michael's return. The couple detached their lips as the girl whispered something against the guy's lips. Luke knew she told him she loved him. The guy reciprocated her confession. At first Luke thought they weren't soulmates but then the girl's teeth started falling out and the guy started coughing uncontrollably. They quickly got up to leave just as Michael found his place next to Luke.

“What just happened?” He asked, referring to the couple.

“They were soulmates. Her teeth fell out and he probably has asthma, too bad he smelled like cigarettes too. That's gonna be tough.” Luke's tone was rather blunt and unsympathetic. “I'm so scared Michael.” He added .

“Why? Your teeth aren't gonna fall out Luke.” Michael tried to be convincing but Luke's teeth might actually fall out and they both knew that.

Michael changed the subject before Luke could bring himself down ever more.

 

As the night progressed Michael watched Luke get wasted. He refrained from drinking so much because he had to drive. The green eyed boy danced with his date and laughed at his drunken antics. Luke's lips were on Michael's multiple times that night and Michael wasn't complaining. Eventually Luke tired out and leaned all his weight against Michael to hold up. As Michael assisted Luke in walking back to his car 2 ugly boys were about to walk in.

“Aww look at the two fags!” The ugliest of the two said.

Michael tensed up but kept walking, he planned to ignore them and just go home. But Luke thought otherwise. “What'd ya say you bastard? I will beat the shit out you!” Luke unwrapped himself from Michael's support and stumbled near the two creatures.

“Hope you don't break a nail in the process.” The uglier one spoke again. Luke wouldn't stand for this any longer. He stepped forward and swung his fist square into the guy's jaw. The second one, who hadn't said anything, just stared with his mouth agape. Michael tried to pull Luke away but he stood too steady and kicked the guy's stomach as he lied on the ground.

“Luke stop let's go!”

Luke spat on the guy's ugly, bleeding face. “Don't ever say that word again. Not to anyone you fucking dick.” Luke's hand came around Michael's waist as he stomped to the car, not looking back. Michael was shocked and scared and happy and maybe a bit turned on. Luke's eyes looked navy and hist fist was red and irritated.

“Can't believe you did that Luke.”

“... Me neither.” He confessed. “Anything for you I suppose.” Luke smiled at his love and felt the anger inside him diminish. Luke knew he loved Michael but decided not to tell him while he was driving. Michael reached over and held Luke's hand the rest of the way.

 

“And he was like boom! Gah!” Michael imitated Luke's punch in the open air and the guy falling the ground. He pretended to break down in tears and couldn't hold in his laughter. “The other guy was like uuhhhh? God.” Michael got up from the ground and shook his head.

“Luke you really did that?” Ashton asked, astonished.

“Michael's perfect reenactment makes the answer pretty obvious doesn't it?” Ashton chuckled and nodded his head.

Luke still hasn't told Michael he loves him. It needs to be at the perfect time and the perfect place. Luke also needs to get over his nerves. He knows of Michael's past two attempts at a soulmate and he's afraid Michael won't commit to him yet.

 

It's been about a week since Luke's fight and he still hasn't confessed his love for Michael. He was growing tired of himself at this point. He even had the perfect chance when they were alone at Michael's house and the sun was making Michael look like an absolute angel and Luke had just finished kissing him but he chickened out.

Now the two were at Luke's house about to play FIFA. Luke was antsy. It was going to slip out.

The game started and Luke couldn't concentrate. He kept hearing Michael's pretty voice and his laughter. He couldn't stop looking over at him and throwing secretive glances at the corner of his green eyes. Michael caught Luke staring and turned to look as well.

“Why do you keep looking at me?”

Luke blushed a little and tried to come up with an explanation. “You're just... really attractive.”

Michael smiled ans puffed air through his nose. “Luke.” Michael started and _Oh my God_ Luke thought, _He's gonna say it first. Of course he is look at the ways he's looking at me. So fond and nervous._ “I love you.” Michael took the chance and said it, he said what Luke was fearing and hoping for for many days now.

“I- I love you too Michael.” They each didn't move for a second, waiting for their teeth to fall out. But nothing happened. Were they not soulmates? They looked around the room warily.

Luke scratched his head in confusion and out came a few pieces of hair on his fingers. “Aw man. My hair's falling out.” So that was his burden. “But that means we're soulmates.” Luke said optimistically.

Michael smiled and threw himself at Luke. Luke's arms wrapped around his love and Michael hissed and immediately reverted from his touch. Michael's face contorted into an expression of pain.

“What's wrong Michael did I do something?” His tone was so concerned and worried.

“No, no I think I'm fine. Maybe it was just a muscle cramp or something.” He grinned back up at Luke and went to kiss him. Luke's hands caressed Michael's cheek but he sneered and backed away again. “Oh no.” He said solemnly. “It's you. It's your touch. It hurts me.” Michael's eyes grew sad. “How are we gonna do this? You can't touch me Luke.” Luke was staring at the ground, looking down at his feet.

“We can make it work. Somehow.” Luke's encouraging attitude wore off within a few seconds when they realized all that they couldn't do.

“No kissing, no hugging, no holding my hands no pulling my hair no spanking my ass no nothing Luke.” Michael hurriedly listed all the things important to him.

“Fuck.” Luke breathed out. “This is crazy I've never heard of this happening before.”

“...I still love you though.”

 

The next few days were not as bad as they could've been. Michael and Luke still slept in the same bed just Luke had to keep his hands to himself. Michael couldn't touch Luke either. When Michael tripped and fell, Luke couldn't help him up. When their fingers brushed against each other when Michael was handing Luke the remote, Michael whimpered and pulled his hand away quickly. Luke has been apologizing for everything.

 

Luke stands at the stove and stirs the spaghetti, about to dish it out onto a plate. He's wearing a hat so his hair doesn't fall into the noodles. He feels Michael's arms around his waist and his head on his shoulder. Luke feels warm and secure. He grins but it quickly drops.

“Michael what are you doing?” He turns to look at his boy's face but Michael hides his expression.

“Don't look at me just keep making dinner.” He chokes out. He groans and untwists his arms from Luke's torso. “I'm trying here. I'm trying to be fucking normal. But God it hurts. It's feels like being shocked. It stings and burns but it doesn't leave a mark.” He sighs.

Luke wants to cry but he's definitely not going to. He just transfers the spaghetti to two plates and pushes one towards Michael.

They sit as close as possible, without touching of course. Luckily, there is no tension between them. They are able to converse and laugh like there are no problems. Michael finishes before Luke so he takes Luke's fork and twists the spaghetti around the prongs. He lifts it up to Luke's lips and feeds him the food. In that moment, they were almost normal. Luke smiles while still chewing and leans his head forward but stops. He frowns and backs up, a little embarrassed.

“You wanted to kiss me didn't you?”

“I always wanna kiss you.”

 

Michael and Luke finally settle down for bed at a late time. They were playing a board game and were too enthralled with it to stop before midnight. Michael says he loves Luke and Luke says it back. Michael has to use a separate blanket now because Luke's arms find themselves around his waist in the middle of the night, making him wake up to excruciating pain which in turn wakes Luke up. Michael didn't wake up in the middle of the night tonight this time though because he never fell asleep. His mind worries about Luke and if he's happy. Michael would be lost without him. His mind continues to wander but he's interrupted by Luke's heavy breathing and quiet yelps in his sleep. At first Michael thinks he's having a wet dream but Luke's clearly panicking and having a nightmare. Michael whispers his name but that only makes Luke yell “stop” and “don't” in his sleep. Michael reaches out and shakes Luke's arm, trying to ignore the pain. He combs through Luke's hair, picking up tufts of it as he does, and uses his other hand to shake his shoulder. Finally, he awakens. He sits up straight and works on catching his breath. Michael's rubbing his back soothingly as Luke breaks down in tears.

“Oh Luke don't cry it was just a dream.” Michael says softly. Luke lays his head on Michael's shoulder and Michael stiffens and closes his eyes tightly. He won't be able to take this much longer. Nonetheless Michael rakes his fingers through the blonde hair of his soulmate. Bald spots litter random areas of Luke's head. Poor boy. At least Michael's burden doesn't effect his appearance.

“Shit” he whispers, too quiet for Luke to hear. The pain is really setting in. His eyes are watering an he's grinding his teeth. He knows he'll never get used to this feeling. Michael leans down and kisses Luke's forehead before basically pushing Luke's head off of his skin and standing from the bed. He puts his hands over his face and breaths heavily.

Luke's eyes are red and watery still as he peers at Michael. “I'm so sorry Michael.” His voice is so broken and waterlogged.

“Not your fault Luke.” Michael always responds. He gets back into the bed and just stares at Luke's puffy eyes.

“What were you dreaming about?”

“You.” Luke answers hesitantly.

“Why did I make you cry?”

“You-.... I don't want to talk about it.” Luke hadn't looked Michael in the eye yet.

“Well, I'm here now. Alive and I love you. It hurts when I touch you but I love you.”

Michael still didn't sleep.

 

In the morning the two got ready for band practice. Michael got only a few hours of sleep so he was very opposed to getting out of bed.

He picked up one of Luke's shirts from the floor. It even mildly stung his hand a bit because it hasn't been washed. He wore it anyway, it's just a dull sting, something he's been feeling a lot of recently.

Michael looks Luke up and down and grins. Even when his hair has thinned out so much he still looks good. He walks closer to his boy and leans his head down to kiss his neck. Luke gasps slightly and so does Michael, but for a different reason.

“I love you in white.” Michael whispers against his neck. Luke shudders enough for Michael to notice. “Be my boyfriend.” Michael says, with his head still leaned down.

Luke smiles. “Of course. We're soulmates I thought being your boyfriend was implied though.”

“I still wanted to ask you.” Luke's phone buzzes and a text from Calum says he and Ashton are at Michael's house.

“We better go.” It was a short drive to Michael's house, of which he hasn't seen in a week or so.

“Hey guys!” Luke greets the rhythm section. Calum notices Luke's hair right away.

“Your hair.” He says bluntly.

“Oh yeah I found my soulmate.”

“I wonder who it is.” Ashton cuts in, eyeing Michael. He still looks the same though. “What's your burden?”

Michael hesitates at first but figures there's no point in lying or keeping it from them. “Every time Luke touches me, I feel pain. Like a burn or a shock. It's awful.” Michael informs them.

“Oh my God that sucks. I've never heard of that before, how are you doing it?”

“It's hard but sometimes I can fight through it and hug him or hold his hand for a few seconds.” Michael purses his lips and changes the subject. “Let's practice. Last week's kinda sucked.” And with that the boys ran through the songs they've written. Every few seconds Michael would unapologetically send Luke a loving glance, not caring if the other boys saw.

“That was better... I guess.” Michael said jokingly because it really was better. Ashton gave Michael a high five and a bro hug before leaving and Calum bear hugged his best friend. Michael held onto Calum and cherished a moment of not feeling pain. He closed his eyes and imagined it was Luke. He must have a really good imagination because he started kissing Calum's neck and tightening his hold on his body.

“Michael what the hell are you doing?” Calum asked alarmed. Michael quickly opened his eyes and looked behind him. Luke was still talking to Ashton as he was getting into his car.

“Fuck don't tell Luke.” Was the first thing he said. “I'm sorry Calum. I love Luke obviously but I just want to touch him so bad. I got carried away with you I'm sorry. I was imagining you were Luke and...”

“Damn I understand buddy. It must really suck not being able to touch your own soulmate.”

“Thanks for being cool about this and sorry again.” Says Michael.

“It's all good. Good luck Michael.” He said and patted him on the back.

 

They decide to stay at Michael's house this time and Michael feels guilty for kissing Calum. He knows it's not that big of a deal and he was imagining Luke and all but he still felt bad.

“Luke, I kissed Calum's neck yesterday.”

Luke turns to look at him from his position on the couch. “Why?”

“He was hugging me and it didn't hurt for once.” Michael told him the rest of the story and Luke seemed to understand. “Are you mad?” He asks when he finishes.

“No, I understand.”

“You should be mad.”

“I know I should be but considering the circumstances of your burden and us being soulmates I can push this aside.”

“I just wanted to feel something you know? Something other than pain.” Luke looked like he was about to say something but Michael interjected. “Don't apologize.” And Luke's mouth closed.

 

As night drew near Michael felt exhausted for some reason. It was nice to be in his own house but it was even nicer that Luke was here. Michael stood in the middle of the floor, spacing out.

“Michael? You ok?”

“Touch me Luke.” He says, pleading.

“Michael you know that's-”

“Touch me please please Luke I can handle it.” Luke held hurt in his eyes while Michael held want and something sadder.

Luke reached his hand out and dragged his fingertips up Michael's side. His touch was literally electrifying and caused Michael to bite his lip.

“I can stop.” Luke said so quietly.

“No no I'm alright.”

Luke trailed his fingers up Michael's shoulder and along his neck until coming to a stop to caress Michael's jaw. He swiped his thumb along Michael's cheek. Michael's jaw was clenched and his eyes were stinging with tears.

“Michael I can stop please let me stop.”

“No.”

A few tears feel free but they both ignored them. Michael was starting to whimper as the pain just kept coming. He grabbed Luke's hand from his face but held his hand for a moment longer before letting go.

“It's like the minute you stop touching me the pain goes away. And whenever you do touch me the pain is the greatest. It's not gradual or anything I always feel the greatest pain wherever you touch me.” Michael's cheeks were striped with tears and his voice was shaky.

“Kiss me Luke.” He commands.

“Michael.”

“Luke. I know you want to so just do it.”

“I can't hurt you.”

“I love you too much not to kiss you.”

Luke sighs, tears spilling from his own eyes now. He leans forward. Michael meets him half way. God. Luke loves kissing Michael. There lips form together perfectly, just like the first time. Michael's pain is so severe, it's all he is right now. Just pain. Even so he pulls Luke against him and deepens the kiss. It's weird. Kissing Luke is so good, it's such a good thing, but all Michael feels is pain, such a bad thing. He feels the fireworks and butterflies but he also feels his blood boiling and his skin wasting away. He can feel all of Luke against his body. The whole front side of him is blanketed in Luke and in pain. Michael's tears haven't stopped falling and his muscles are so tense but he just wants to kiss Luke. After a few more seconds Michael's body can't handle it anymore and he falls against Luke, unconscious. Luke catches Michael and drags him to his bed. He takes his hands off of him as fast as he can.

 

Michael's eyes flutter open within a few minutes of a pain-free environment.

“I'm sorry.” Luke utters, looking into Michael's eyes. It hurt Michael to see Luke look at him like that. Great, now looks were hurting him too.

“We've gotta find a way around this.” Michael croaks.

“Maybe we aren't supposed to be soulmates. I can't even kiss you without making you pass out.”

“Shut up Luke of course we're soulmates. What's a worse burden than pain? We must be perfect for each other if fate thinks we can handle that.” Luke ponders what a worse burden than pain is and discovers one. Heartbreak. If Luke were to make Michael experience more pain than what fate gave them, it would cancel out. And all that would be left was the pain Michael's soulmate caused, which he would never do again once Michael took him back. He would essentially shatter Michael's internal “pain meter” and make it so physical pain caused by Luke loving him no longer existed because emotional pain caused by Luke hating him was far greater. The only way to fight adversity is with adversity, or the only way to get rid of pain is with more pain. He doesn't even know if it will work, no one has ever done such a heinous thing before, but then again no one has ever had this burden before either. Luke doesn't want to break Michael's heart but...

 

Luke didn't sleep in the same bed as Michael that night. After their talk and Luke's personal decision he went to the living room and slept on the couch. Michael caught him and kept asking why, getting louder and louder. Luke said it was because he didn't want to touch him.

“I don't care if you touch me; see?” He had said. He grabbed Luke's hands and pressed them against his chest and his face. It hurt him but he kept doing it. Luke yanked his hands away and sulked over to the couch, keeping his eyes away from Michael. He could tell Michael was still standing in the doorway of his room, just staring, probably with his mouth open slightly.

“Fine Luke. I love you goodnight.” Michael hesitated before walking back to bed, most likely waiting for Luke's response that never came.

He hated doing this to Michael, to is soulmate. He was starting to hate himself too. This might not even work, why would it? Luke's lips formed a frown and his eyes glazed over. Every time he moved his head more hair would stick onto the pillow. “I love you too Michael.” Luke whispered to himself.

 

That morning Luke woke up with Michael's face inches from his. He jumped back a little at the sight.

“Luke what's going on. Do you not love me anymore?”

Luke seemed to be thinking about it, his blue eyes looking around Michael but never at him.

“Luke what the hell?”

“I'm sorry Michael I'm just not believing in this whole soulmate thing right now. Why would your soulmate bring you pain? We can't be soulmates.”

“Luke I love you, that's why we're soulmates not because your touch causes me pain.”

“But that's why we can't be soulmates.”

“Luke?” Michael touches his hand.

“I can't do this anymore.”

“You have to we are destined to be together.” His voice is cracking on every word.

“I don't think so.”

Michael does not hold back his tears, he can't believe this is happening. He's sobbing, his tears streaking across his cheeks and his lungs choking on air. He grips Luke's hands within his own and scrapes them across his face and squeezes them between his fingers. “Look Luke you can touch me I don't care anymore please don't leave me!” The pain was unbearable, Luke could tell.

“Maybe this pain you feel is fate telling us we're meant to be enemies rather than soulmates.” Luke's own eyes were bloodshot and pooled with tears.

“Luke I love you. I loved you when you had hair and I love you now. I loved you when we first met and I love you now.”

“I'm so sorry Michael. I can't do this. I hate seeing you in pain and I hate not touching you.”

“Luke we're soulmates we can get through this.”

“ _We_ can't.”

Luke finally rises off the couch. Tear stains and hairballs stay behind to remind Michael of who was just laying there. The used-to-be-blonde boy walks out of the door. Michael doesn't chase him, he doesn't yell after him. He recalls the old saying “if you love something, set it free.” And Luke recalls the second part “if it comes back, it's yours to keep.”

 

Michael breaks down into uncontrollable sobs the second Luke disappears. The walls are closing in and the air is getting thinner. His lungs are begging for a proper breath but Michael has yet to supply. His tears are drowning him and his heart is killing him. Every pore on his body is ablaze with a fire Luke once fueled. Michael can't fathom the event that just unfolded. He's still kneeling by the couch, his hands balled in fists against the cushions. A mixture of snot, drool, and tears gather along Michael's cheeks but he makes no effort to wipe them clean.

Michael screams. He feels like he's been stabbed in every place Luke has left his burning touch. Luke is causing him pain again and this time he's not even around to loosen his grip around Michael's neck.

Eventually, Michael arises from the floor. He's still sniffling but his body must be in panic mode for he can no longer produce tears at this point. He begins pacing and biting his nails. He looks around the living room for something to stab himself with, or to hang himself. He shakes his head at the thought and moves away from any pointy objects.

Michael enters his bedroom and crawls over to the closet. He pulls out a cardboard box once used to deliver a new blender. He stuffs it full with Luke's few shirts he's left here and a few socks, a pillow, a phone charger, and some very underused hair gel that Luke had brought over a long time ago. Michael had forgotten to pack one shirt, more or less on purpose. His favorite of Luke's shirts, he decided to leave out. He grasped the material and couldn't help but notice the lack of a sting on his palm. Perhaps it's because the shirt hasn't been worn in a while or because Michael was so numb to any feeling. He was exhausted from crying and fell asleep on the floor with the shirt still wound around his hand.

 

Luke entered the door he left through cautiously. He stepped inside to see nothing but an empty room. He tiptoed into Michael's room to find him sprawled out over the carpet with one of Luke's shirts in his hand. A box of Luke's stuff stood next to him and Luke's eyebrows furrowed with sadness and regret. He really hurt Michael, why did he do this?

Luke crouched down next to him and put his hand on his love's thigh, trying to coax him awake. Luke felt a surge of hope as Michael _didn't_ wake up right away, maybe he wasn't feeling the pain. But Luke's happiness lessened when he thought something might be wrong.

“Michael?” Luke said in a pleading tone, shaking his leg. “Wake up Michael.”

Finally Michael stirred and took in his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was Luke's adoring face and he smiled. But it faded as he noticed the box and his position on the floor.

“You left me.” He uttered, his voice a little hoarse from sleep.

“Michael I'm sorry I still love you I can explain everything.” Luke's rushed words didn't change Michael's expression.

“You broke my heart.”

“I know I'm sorry but look.” Luke squeezed his hand around Michael's thigh and combed the hair away from his face. “Do you feel the pain?”

Michael looked down at the contact. He felt nothing. Nothing at all. “No pain.” Michael informed the used-to-be-blonde. Luke smiled happily but it was not reciprocated on Michael's face. His expression was closer to anger than happiness. Luke became worried.

“Michael I swear I can explain.” Michael just nodded and let Luke tell him the story of how breaking his heart would make everything better. And somehow he wasn't convinced.

“I love you Michael.” Luke finished. Michael forced a grin and tried so hard to convey the lovesick look in his eyes he knew he possessed only a few hours ago. Luke pulled Michael in for a hug and he could actually focus on the way Luke's arms felt around him and the way his head was tucked against his neck, but Michael still found himself squirming away after only a few seconds.

He tried to cover the action by saying “Sorry, force of habit. I guess I'll have to get used to you touching me.” Luke nodded understandingly.

 

That night Luke cuddled Michael and, God, Michael tried to savor his warmth or fit into him the way he knows he can, but he couldn't. Michael felt out of place. Its like that feeling when you wear your shirt backwards or part your hair too much to the side. It all just felt unnatural.

 

In the morning Luke accidentally woke Michael up as he was trying to get up. He apologized but Michael said it was no big deal. As Luke was about to get off the bed Michael grabbed his wrist and yanked him forward, causing Luke to fall into Michael's waiting grip and kiss him. Their lips easily found a rhythm, just like before, but something else was not like before. When they parted Luke was grinning, trying to fight off a complete and toothy smile. Michael only stared at the ground. “Fuck.” He thought.

Luke went to make breakfast. Michael knows he saw the distaste in his face after the kiss and he knows Luke brushed it off. The day progressed and Luke continually acted as if nothing had changed. Luke still refrained from touching Michael a lot but that was because he told him not to.

 

The next night came and Luke definitely had noticed Michael's behavior all day.

“What's wrong?” Luke asks as they're getting ready for bed.

Michael looks up at him, slightly frightened. He doesn't exactly know what's wrong but he has an idea.

“I... I don't know.” Michael muttered.

“C'mon you've been off all day. You can tell me.”

Michael suddenly became enraged. “I've been fucking 'off' all day?” Michael put air quotes around “off”. “That's weird, why would I be 'off'? It's not like you broke up with me, your soulmate, and then came back saying, oh, it was all a joke.” Michael was breathing rapidly. “Do you understand why I don't feel the pain anymore? Do you know why?”

“I thought, maybe...” Luke faltered.

“It's because...” Michael really didn't want to say it. “It's because I don't love you anymore.”

Luke looked like the green-eyed boy drove a stake through his heart. “No.” he whispered.

“I don't know what you expected.” Michael said.

“This can't happen, you said it yourself, we're fucking soulmates. You can't not love me!”

“Well I was the first to have pain as a burden, the first to have the burden take away, and it looks like I'm the first to stop loving his soulmate.” Michael yelled. It may seem like he wants this to happen. But he doesn't. This is breaking his heart all over again. He feels the burn in his skin, the heat, the trauma. He feels like he's boiling in a cauldron, simmering in his own blood. All the while Michael is just standing there, being eaten alive, Luke is pounding against the ground screaming about God knows what. Michael stares ahead. He finally begins moving. A mechanical kind of march towards the door. A chorus of “Michael don't leave me!” and suffocating sobs ring in his ears well after he closes the door. With the realization that he is going to die alone, Michael walks down the street and plans on never turning back. He'll just keep walking until he wastes away. Perhaps, he'll meet Luke in another life, or in the after life, and neither of them will hurt each other. They will love each other, the way they're were always destined to.

 


End file.
